Ladies Prefer Pirates

Although my eyes hath not witnessed the glory of Pirates of the Caribbean II, I feel the need to speak for women everywhere and declare our collective love for pirates. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Johnny Depp plays said pirate. It seems that Johnny Depp cast as a pirate could conceivably invoke a simultaneous and collective sigh from all the women of the world.

As of late, my aunt and I found ourselves discussing the perfect pirate man. We call him the "Metro-Pirate." He must possess the following qualities:

#1) First and foremost, he must be as hot as Johnny Depp.

#2) Stylishly rag tied dreads required.

#3) We go for the make-up. (Perhaps the fully made up pirate couldn't show up with us for the PTA meeting, but we could certainly bring his picture and brag to the other moms.)

#4) Since he bears to-die-for abs, shirts should not be worn. At the very least, they should be blousy and open at the neck and chest.

#5) Muscular strength enough to swing from a mast and whisk away a woman.

#6) He must be as hot as Johnny Depp. (Oh, did I already say that? I must be daydreaming....)

#7) A piercing intense gaze which renders women speechless. (For anyone that knows me, that's one powerful gaze!)

#8) The ability to lie in a boldface manner while still appearing adorable and attractive to any woman within a 10 mile radius.

Anyone out there want to apply? Please submit your application to be my own personal "Metro-Pirate." The application process is ongoing and rolling. I look forward to seeing your resume and headshots. Thanks!