Yell Fire!
-- and I'm not referring to Michael Franti's new CD

A few weeks ago, I discovered that there really is a reason to have a fire extinguisher in your home. When I bought my place, I felt totally nervous about home-ownership. I absolutely has to have a fire extinguisher and extra property insurance before I could sleep at night. I guess my intuition was kicking into high gear or something...

--Fade into memory sequence--

So, there I was, getting ready to have a quiet vegetarian dinner with two girlfriends on a Friday night. I had just finished getting the place straight. The table was set. I decided to go get ready before I whipped up the appetizer. Whilst getting ready, I thought it would be nice to have a fire, so I went and lit up a Dura-log in the fireplace.

I had, however, not opened the flue.

So, there I am, getting dressed, and I hear an alarm going off. It doesn't even occur to me why that would be happening... after all, I'm usually so paranoid and careful that I put my hand up the chimney just to make sure the flue is open. But then I went out of my bedroom and saw the living room full of smoke.

Suffice it to say, craziness set in. I cut my hand opening windows. I called 911. I used my fire extinguisher. (Not necessarily in that order.) Total frenzy.

I felt like a such a dumb ass while I stood outside in the cold and explained everything to my new neighbors and watched three firetrucks and two police cars come to my "rescue." (Can anyone say "slow night?")

The funniest thing was that, as the firefighters checked the place out and blew out the smoke, the Grateful Dead was blaring out of my stereo and the visualizer was going on my Mac.

One of the firefighters even ended up striking up a conversation with me about my Mac. Hey, at least I provided good entertainment that night. (In more ways than one.)

And I did go ahead and have that dinner party.

And my house didn't even really smell like smoke.

So, go buy yourself a fire extinguisher.